The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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