She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
