We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you had me at cake vodka
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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I just want to make out with him forever
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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