I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
