The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
