What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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