"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
