just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
