420 ftw
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
