i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
