how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
