D3 body, D1 cock
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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