wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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