I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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