thus making me awesome and them whores
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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