sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
