you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
