I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
