I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Found your dick twin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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