i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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