fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
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halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
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Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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