Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
