why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
