I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
