Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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