Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
