life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
