Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
