I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
and you fell through a lawn chair
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
