my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
