She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
