I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
