I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
