nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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