i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
