i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize