he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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