Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Welp...herpes.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
