I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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