i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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