I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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