feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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