The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
In America we eat man semen.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
