Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
