awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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