they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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