I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
