I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
