I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize