You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
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I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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