My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i think my mom watched the whole time
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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