my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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