she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
