Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
