yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
