I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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