We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
