Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.