You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?