I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
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I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed