You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
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Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
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Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.