Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra