I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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