butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.