I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
