she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
