remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
