it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
