Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
