So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
