If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
