Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
