I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
