Me. At least after what I've been through.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
