just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
